mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
