she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
