He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When are your genitals available?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
