sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
