the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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