Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
