shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize