I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
