it wasn't lemon gatorade
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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