Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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