i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
