hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
