I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
