I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you win again, gameday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize