sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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