im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
