I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
