so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
