if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
