Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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