She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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