You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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