On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
