Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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