There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
