Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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