1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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