oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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