Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
