I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize