So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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