I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
