Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
