i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
