nut hugger
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
