I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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