so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
