All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You're like the curious george of whores
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
