how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
