I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
