my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
