I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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