if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
