You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
