While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
