Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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