Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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