You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
