final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
