I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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