We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i think i just lost a toe
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize