3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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