Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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