So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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