We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
