i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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