Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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