Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
