everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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