The best revenge is premature balding
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
