i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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