its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
