Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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