Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
