I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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