I'm jealous of your bromance
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
