god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
