matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
