you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
