ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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