I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
